Valentine's Day Goes Goth

This was written at three-thirty in the morning after an extended length of trying to sleep and failing, reading 1stTim - 3rdJohn, and experimenting with eyeliner.

***

Those of you who've known me for any length of time and have met me will agree that in general, I'm an un-intimidating brunette whose fashion tastes run from punkish to just plain weird. Granted, in the summer, I often end up blonde because of swimming and there WAS that one redhead escapade Mama helped me pull off, but that is definitely beside the point. I do wear a lot of black, but that's as close as I come to the goth archetype in my life.

A year or two ago, two of my awesome girl friends decided to go goth for VDay. They have their reasons, and I'm pretty sure the younger of the two has done a blog on her reasoning behind this. So when a third friend, much closer to the goth class as STILL four times as adorable as any goth out there, asked on her FB stat who was going goth for SAD/VDay, I decided I would go goth this year as well.

I asked myself exactly what my motivation was behind going goth on a Sunday when I would have to be at church. Was it to make sure no one would want to be around me ever again? I don't think so, I REALLY want to be friends with these people. How about to scare those who do know me well there? The two or three who do would probably blink twice and tell me what I could do to look MORE goth.

The more I thought about it, the more I knew I wanted to make a stand against That-Which-Is-Misnomered-As-Love. VDay has to be one of the most deceptive holidays in the year. At Easter, we have the traditional services that even the heathens attend once a year here in the South. At Christmas, we still put up Nativity scenery with our Santas. Even Halloween, the kids still dress up and, though they may not know the story, the roots still exist.

But we have to set aside a day to guilt-trip others, sell ourselves, gorge on our own wants and desires for fuzzy, light stuff?! It's like we're scarfing down Twinkies and expecting it to be a thorough, balanced, and filling meal! And we SAY we do it in the name of love and romance!

I've been accused of being a cynic when it comes to love and romance. YOU watch people go through this unsatisfying sap fest for nineteen years, see the effects, and THEN tell me something doesn't begin to break, wilt, and die inside at this mockery of the concept behind what Christ died for.

I can't help but think that TRUE love and romance is a day-to-day LIFESTYLE, not a once-a-year holiday. All the special stuff can be done on any day of the year. In fact, the more spontaneous when doing the special stuff, the better. It makes it SPECIAL. Having an assigned date not only sparks the feelings of "another chore" but also those of "it's my due, I deserve it", which in my opinion are the exact attitudes that tend to destroy marriages.

So this is my stand. I will go goth on February 14th and only for February 14th. Me and my mascara. So sue me, I realized I threw out my black eyeliner two years ago (I never used it and it was a hand-me-down from Grandma, and I've recently discovered that sharing makeup is not safe), so I needed to find a replacement. I tried a couple different methods, but I finally settled for a dab of mascara on a TINY paintbrush and using it like eyeliner that way. The planned hairstyle looks way more emo rock than goth, but I like it. Again lacking black lipstick, I use the darkest shade of lipstick I have (I only have two, people!) and dab a TINY bit of mascara over it. Add my black jeans, black tank, black jacket, black armwarmers, black ankle boots, and a chain belt (it's so long that when I clip it on, there's an extra length that I can loop so it hangs like a proper chain). I should be set, right?

Looks like it.

Poor church.

On Purity

The first thought/verse that comes to my mind when the issue of kissing is brought up is "Do you not know that when a man lies with a prostitute, he becomes one with her" (1 Cor. 6), and to know that for a moment, your lips are one with that person's, that you're sharing the same breath of life... To me, I can't even begin to describe the pain and heartache that would give me, to know I gave that to someone besides my husband.

That would equate to adultery in my life, for the Bible says in Isaiah 54 that the Lord is my Husband and I have chosen to accept that, to remain promised and pure and taken. Yes, if He chooses to send me to an earthly husband, by all means, I will heed, obey, and enjoy that. But for now, I am called to be His alone and I refuse to share my breath and my body with anyone until otherwise instructed. It's not a burden to me, to be set apart or to be chosen, I was chosen! I WAS CHOSEN!

That's such a big deal to me I can't even describe. It's glorious happiness to me to have been chosen that I will ADORE being set apart for Him and that I will always rejoice in His love. When I consider backing down, when people tell me I'm too rigid, I look at the times before I realized I had become chosen and I stare at myself in shock. How could I have been so miserable and wanted to stay that way, even though I did nothing different physically?

My mindset changed and I will NEVER consider backing down on this. It's contentment, happiness, He wants what's best for me and will provide, it's security and love and protection and adoration and sacrificial love... Why would I ever choose to let someone who is not a permanent fixture in my life caress my face with his lips when I have a Husband who caresses my soul with the sunrise and wraps my heart in moonlight and dances with me every day for all of eternity?

Seriously though, I really do think this is a big deal and that you shouldn't have a person in your life you would consider kissing that isn't known to a group (I like an odd number, like three or five for tiebreakers) of adults that you trust to give you Godly counsel. If you feel like you need to hide it from them, break off any temptation, leave the person to their own devices with someone else, and pray to God that He shows them wisdom.

I realize not everybody has that, but I really do think if an effort is made to SEARCH for God's will, He will show it. As for the ACTUAL topic, there are always things that can happen before you actually reach the altar. I don't mean to be pessimistic, but people DO DIE during engagement periods and their intended DO occasionally marry other people. It's been known to happen. I would seriously recommend not kissing until the altar.

It's just my opinion, and I know there are a TON of people who don't agree with me, including a few I've known for a dozen years and even some of my own family. All I'm saying is that I really feel strongly on this point that kissing is so not okay. I'm sorry if you don't agree, I really don't mean to attack. But it's the conviction that God placed on my heart and it's the standard I will live up to.

Those of you on DIOM who follow me around pointlessly through debates probably recognize this post. But over the last couple weeks since posting that, I've been realizing it applies more and more not just to kissing, but to every single aspect of purity.

Think about it.

Serial dating...

I can't condone that practice. In general, the only byproducts of the lifestyle of serial/casual dating are divorces, affairs, abortions, and reminiscient-of-country-music obsessions.

The majority of casual dating relationships in high school that I have observed/been-shoulder-to-cry-on run as follows: Spock meets Beverly. Physical attraction. Romantic attachment. Physical evidence. Spock observes Beverly and Wes, does not comprehend their relationship and takes it as a personal affront. Spock plus Uhura because Beverly plus Wes. Spock and Beverly break up. Uhura plus Wes. Essentially, casual dating in these instances teaches you how to accomplish affairs and divorces with very little inconvenience. Oh the wonders of high school!

Among 'Christian' teens and collegiates who think they're older and wiser than their high school days, casual dating is referred to as 'the search for The Right One'. Here it is less likely you will find the blatant drama where it is everyone's business who's with whom. But it is these relationships that tend to go deeper. In high school, everyone KNEW Spock and Beverly had no intention of marriage and that permanency was unlikely. The supposed test if someone loves you is "in his kiss", right? That magical spark that causes the flame in your soul to roar? And yet the fire awoken needs fuel, and when facing the possibility of being together always, Eowyn is ten times more likely to let Aragorn do more than kiss her (if he ever WOULD) than she would've been. Because of that, the potential percentage of diseases and unplanned pregnancies skyrocket. And don't bother with the protection argument, it doesn't always work. And for the women, the automatic abortion function programmed into the pills can do a ton of harm.

On top of all of that, the potential for obsession in ANY casual dating relationship is 99%. Not everyone will take it too far and murder their obsession literally (watch Monk or Castle sometime and you'll see what I mean) but smothering the life they have outside of that one person, paying attention to no one but him, dedicating every breath to him? Not only will life sound like a bad country song when it's over, the possibilities of being an alcohol or drug addict shoot to a level equal toPluto's distance from the sun, depression is likely to kick in, and your 'life' as you know it is over.

I've known three, MAYBE four, casual dating relationships to work out and stay strong. Because of what casual dating will almost certainly do to you spiritually, physically, mentally, emotionally, and almost without fail, I can't support that idea.

Dating with a purpose (marriage, people, DO NOT MISSIONARY-DATE) is something that intrigues me. But I'm of an old-fashioned mold where guardian-approved and -supervised (at very least, in a group with an accountability partner) courting with PURITY, TRUTHFULNESS, and 1 CORINTHIANS 13 BASED LOVE is the only way to accomplish a relationship that will last. Again, that's MY mold; my desire for purity and honesty and respect and selflessness and maybe THEN romance built into my husband's character and relationship with me.

Purity is another issue which I will follow up here later.

Rain, rain on my face... hasn't stopped raining for days...

"Don't know whether or not how sad I just got was of my own volition or if I'm just missing the sun. And tomorrow, I know, will be rainy at best and the forecast, I know, says that I'll be depressed. But I'll wait outside hoping that I'll catch sight of the sun. Because on and off, the clouds have fought for control over the sky. And lately the weather has been so bi-polar and consequently, so have I. And the temperature is freezing and then, after dark, there's a cold frost sweeping in over my heart. And we might break up if I don't wake up to the sun."

"Calm the storms that drench my eyes, dry the streams still flowing. Cast down all the waves of sin and guilt that overthrow me. Lift me up - when I'm falling. Lift me up - I'm weak and I'm dying. Lift me up - I need you to hold me. Lift me up - Keep me from drowning again."

"I'm not afraid of drowning, it's the breathing that's taking all this work..."

In other news: I got letters yesterday and that completely made my day. Hearing from Kryos was AWESOME and Linny's letter was brilliant.

On top of that, I got this hilarious vid from Ema in a PM the other day: http://www.youtube.com/watchv=LHj1zrjpgKM

and it never fails to make me smile.

Today hasn't been the easiest day in a long time... Today of all days, it had to rain. I wanted to just give up. So much... I couldn't care less how I was just so long as there was nothing dangerous close at hand or I could very quickly go downhill.

And now Hinder is stuck in my head: "You deserve much better than me."

*sighs* I want to be better. I don't know how. I'm too tired to want to know tonight. Tomorrow I'll wake up crying again like usual, but I'll have the strength to want again. That'll be good.

Home?

I'm "home" again... I'm really beginning to wonder if I'll ever find a stable place to call home.

It's home here for the family, for Contra, for all the inside jokes.

It's home in Colorado for CleanPlace, for different inside jokes, for new family.

Home in Georgia for DioM, for even more inside jokes, for different family.

There's home so many places it hurts

so many times that nothing will ever change.

Consistently torn down the middle,

misery eating the glue that holds me together.

But no matter where I run,

no matter where I turn to,

the moon always shines above,

the stars always turn.

Life keeps rolling by

no matter who I'm with,

no matter who I miss,

no matter who I've become.

I can wander through the mountains,

hide atop the trees,

swim in the ocean,

and know the deepest in me.

Yet the road doesn't end,

the forks continue to pierce

someone's heart to bleed

and not always my own.

When will we all be together,

when will you see me and I see you,

when will we fly like eagles,

when will we find home?

ooo... Forest Guard!

Green's coming out, guys! :D It's about time, no? Even more interesting news... Ted Dekker's started this amazing promotion at...

http://forestguard.teddekker.com

Our job is to gather recruits and earn points. After we join the Forest Guard, this is what our assignment looks like.

It’s pretty easy…here’s some things to know and do right away...

1. Email Updates: Add forestguard@gfnhq.com to your address book and watch for our email updates and also keep an eye on the “News” and “Special Missions” sections. We’ll give you new ideas for how you can be participating about once a week.
2. Special Missions: Participate in the special missions we’ll be launching throughout this campaign. Check out the “Special Missions” page to read the latest on those and stay in the loop.
3. Recruits: Learn about recruits under the “Recruits” page and find out why you should start finding your recruits right away.
4. It’s Easy: Just do what you do naturally—talk to your friends and people in your community about Green and the Circle series. Read below to see how to use the cards we’ll send you.
5. Rewards: Check out the amazing rewards available to you for your efforts on the “Rewards” page.
6. Report back: Reports aren’t as intimidating as they sound…it takes about a minute to send in a report and a couple of clicks. Don’t worry…this isn’t like school. But we can’t reward you and give you credit for your work if you don’t tell us about everything you’re doing to get the word out. It’s really important that you go to “Earn My Points” all the time and send in reports about what you’ve done. All rewards will be decided based on your efforts and the points you’ve earned.
7. It’s Up to You: Get creative and have fun! We know you have so many amazing ideas and know about things your friends love lots more than we do. We’re giving you the freedom to be as creative as you want to be.

The whole creative thing is a relief, admittedly, because now I can drop on people's heads all I want. :D :P

Your Primary Mission

Your biggest mission as a Forest Guard member is to help us find new recruits.

What’s a recruit?

A recruit is a new reader of Green and the Circle series.

Each time you find a new recruit, you need to get them to sign-up on the recruit page. When a new recruit signs-up, two things will happen:

1. They will receive exclusive offers on Green and other Ted Dekker books.

2. You will receive 100 points towards the Forest Guard rewards for each new recruit who uses your Forest Guard number.

IMPORTANT THINGS TO REMEMBER ABOUT RECRUITS:

1. Recruits must sign-up at http://teddekker.com/readgreen in order to receive the special offers.

2. You will only get your 100 point credit for the recruits who use your Forest Guard number when they sign-up on that page, so be sure to tell everyone you influence to use your number.

3. Many of the Forest Guard rewards require that you get a certain number of recruits in order to qualify, so be sure to check out the rewards page to find out how many recruits you need based on what prize you hope to earn.

And of course, the rewards page is covered in gifs that I can't put onto my desktop, load to photobucket and put here. <_<>Rewards

BECOME A LIEUTENANT OR CAPTAIN IN THE FOREST GUARD:

Every Forest Guard will have the opportunity to earn the level of Lieutenant or Captain in the Forest Guard.

HOW TO BECOME A LIEUTENANT:

You must receive 600 points including 5 recruits. (You get 100 points for every recruit.)

HOW TO BECOME A CAPTAIN:

You must receive 2000 points including 15 recruits. (You get 100 points for every recruit.)

HOW TO RECEIVE THE FOREST GUARD GRAND PRIZES :
In order to qualify for the Grand Prize, Runner-Up prize, 3rd place and 4th place prizes, you must have at least 50 recruits. Prizes will then go to the hardest working person who has done the best job and has the most points.

Lieutenant: Emailed certificate of lieutenant status, your name in the next Ted Dekker book under the list of Lieutenants.
Captain: Emailed certificate of captain status, your name in the next Ted Dekker book under the list of Captains, an advanced copy of Dekker's next book.
Fourth place: Set of signed Circle series
Third place: Ted Dekker Merchandise super pack... (and there's a lot there, I just can't see what a few of the things are without my glasses... oops?)
Runner up: One of three swords, Ted Dekker Merchandise super pack
Grand prize: Ted Dekker Merchandise super pack, and lunch with Dekker in Austin (trip paid for)

Time to throwdown the challenge... :P Come on. You know you want the shiny sword... ;) and it helps there are books involved...

So go sign up as a recruit, then go join the Forest Guard. "And remember when you've nicked 'im, it was me what told you so" ;) 5684 and don't forget to tell me you joined, so I know who I'm racing against. :P

Life goes on...

Okay, well, life changed quick here... Last post was May 21st. It is June 9th. I don't think I've ever been so thankful for a day to be over. And it wasn't what happened today, just purely the date itself in reference to the past.

I'm now nineteen, practically senile. I have an extreme lack of hair now as seen in above picture (with Blue Monkey). I have been staying in Colorado Springs since Friday afternoon, and will be here until Saturday when Legolas and I head back to Punkin's.

As was threatened, Saturday was my first CO minimoot. On the thirteenth, it will have been a year since I first came to CO to visit for Moot. It's so hard to believe it's been so long, but it's harder to believe it was only a year ago.

And things have really changed.

There's no roadwork up and down Powers, Academy, Austin Bluffs, or Carefree. You can go from the Panera to Pulpit Rock Church without seeing a single roadwork sign. There's snow on Pikes Peak, making it easy to distinguish the mountain from the hills surrounding when there's haze (hey, I don't ALWAYS wear my glasses like I should), and you can see the road up Pikes Peak from the top of the hill near Pulpit Rock, winding. I was able to point out the ridge where the Elf family's car broke down. I could also see the Incline, which I HAVE TO CLIMB... *is swallowing back drool at that challenge* *whistles innocently* Sorry... it's pure awesomeness. MUST CLIMB...

But to top all of that off? The people...

There were sixteen CPers at the minimoot. I knew ten from the Moot last year, the other six joined in the last year. In the last year: Nia was made Admin of CP, Twinkie is more confident in her abilities, Mangy took control of the Serious Talks forum, MOTS went off to Walt Disney World to work and came home again, Yellow Leader got ridiculously tall, Kryos looks his age, Blue Monkey and Dolphin got way too old, and the six CPers that joined us were: Tony Fritz, Frost, Bree, Anywhere, Celeris and Masque.

As proof that nobody looks the same?

http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1213256247&v=feed&story_fbid=233661840007#/photo.php?pid=1063095&op=1&o=global&view=global&subj=100000018931137&id=1169496687

That is Blue Monkey and I at Moot. Garden of the Gods, June 14th. Compare with the first photo. I have pictures of the others from Moot and from the minimoot if that's not enough proof for you. :P

Strangely enough, I spent most of my time around some of the people I really didn't spend a ton of time with at Moot: Kryos, Yellow Leader, and AngelJ. That was kind of a shock to me to realize I spent a ton of time around them that day, but hey, we had fun. Especially during Freeze. :D

Sunday, Anywhere was with Mangy and I, then she left at about 11:30 that night to head back home.

Monday... Have I mentioned how much I hate June 8th? It wasn't even a particularly distasteful day in the past. It's just one of those days... :P So Mangy and I spent practically all day on the computer, then turned on "The Lost Room" at about 10. We finished the first disc about 1:45 or so, then I came down here to be sure Anywhere and Daeriel had already gone to bed for the night. I give those two more trouble than they give me, granted, but as the oldest, I still check in. :P

It's just terrifying to me at some points how everything has changed... but so little has at the same time...

In order to make up for the lack of actual posts over the last couple months, I'll share the CP vlogs I did in April as well as one I featured in this Sunday evening. :P I hope you'll forgive my lack of activity eventually. My greatest apologies for the lousy sound... our kids camera was a pain to deal with. Not to mention these are my second, third, fourth, and fifth try at vid editing.

In Date Order:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pXa1lnDjmM4 = April 8th
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pLirehtxhhk = April 15th
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sosw5MUR7S0 = April 22nd
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SU2lSTRr_V8 = April 29th

And Mangy's vlog this week!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iPe4py3Vrao

So yeah. I'll try to do better about actually getting blog posts up. :P Love y'all!